Let’s talk about faith. You’re going to struggle with this one… because you find trust a difficult act. It comes from being lied to over and over again by someone who you should have been able to trust. You have a tough time believing things you can’t measure or see with your own eyes or touch. You want clear answers. Fantasy is fine for entertainment… but when it comes down to making real decisions, you want the facts. Because the facts allow you to make better decisions… and more accurately predict outcomes. Prediction is important because then you can be prepared… and protect yourself. In the end, it’s all about control. You need it. It’s your sanity.
Flash forward a few decades and from all of my experience and accumulated wisdom, I can tell you this: Control is an illusion. The irony is that you are going to have to open your grip on this one in order to handle what life throws at you. If you keep clutching at it, you will only lose the sanity you hope to protect.
You cannot control other people. You can influence them for good or bad… you can harm them or help them… but in the end, you cannot change them. That’s up to them.
You cannot control what life gives you. You can prepare yourself for situations and you can increase or decrease your chances of good or bad occurrences based on your choices and actions… but when these things actually happen, you will find your actual role was limited.
What you can control is how you react to people and situations. You can control what you choose to focus on. You can decide how to interpret what, at first glance, appears to be an intentional slight… or bad luck. You can make the choice on whether the person standing before you is an annoying person… or a person who is struggling with their own issues and trying like hell to cope. The way they accomplish this may not be your way… but the root cause of their actions and opinions may actually be closely aligned to the root cause of your own problems.
The need for control will haunt you for a long time. It will keep you from being able to say “I have done enough” and will be the dark whisper in your soul that says “I am never enough”.
Eventually you will see this poison for what it is. But seeing is only the first step. Then you must believe it. Embrace it. And in doing so, you will begin to know faith.
Know this, however… faith is never without doubt. Doubt, in fact, is the forge of faith. Without it, you would become fanatical and you will cease to question your certainty… you will believe yourself to know “The Truth”… and condemn those who do not. This is spiritual stagnation and the suicide of growth.
Hold on to your doubt. It will keep you human. It will guide you when the path seems too sterile. It will allow the green growth of possibilities and creativity. It will be your ally.