The Demon’s Climb

Hey Kiddo,

I won’t lie… You’ve got some tough times in front of you.  But you will succeed in pushing through.  One day you will weave a story about being a demon who is fighting like mad to climb out of hell.  But all the other demons are pulling me back down.  They tear and rip at me because I am trying to be other than who I am.  I am trying to climb that molten cliff to the very top… where the silver light glints against the clouds… where the glowing angels reside.  I want nothing more than to be one of their number.  So I fight and I climb.

But even when I manage to claw my way far enough above where the other demons cannot reach me, I find my wounds too deep… and my strength to weak… my very nature fights me.  Even if I were to reach the top… the angels would never accept me.  I am a spawn of darkness and they are children of light.  They will sense my fear, pain, and hatred and cast me off the edge to plummet back into the black pit.

I know this.

And yet I still climb.

It is as much my nature to defy my destiny as it is to acknowledge it.  I will climb until I die.  This is my story.

But the story isn’t done.

Here’s the thing, my young friend:  Those angels are not on the cliff above you.  They are that spark of defiance within you.

Remember the time you tried to slit your wrist?  Just as the blade touched your skin, you were overcome by nausea… your hand wouldn’t move… the droplets of blood burned as they welled up but you couldn’t draw the blade any further.  Your body revolted and you threw the knife across your bedroom.  You were enraged at yourself.  You failed.  You were weak.   You couldn’t even do this ONE THING.  You despised yourself.

You were also very wrong.

That weakness you felt was actually strength.  It was the deeply buried seed of defiance that rose up and seized your hand.  It would not allow defeat at the hands of death… even if those hands were your own.

This seed is something that you tap into on occasion… when you are alone and your mind starts threading stories together.  It’s the heart of your imagination.  Buried under all of that hate and rage lies a source of such powerful creativity that it will do anything to keep existing… to keep reaching out… to keep creating.  Death would halt this process.  And so it must defy your command.

When you finally step away from the judgment of others, and allow yourself tap into that place unhindered by self hate… by stepping through the doorway of vulnerability… you will find a source of such passion and energy combined with (interestingly enough) peace and acceptance.  You will reach into this source and become one with it.  You will reach outside of yourself and share it… teaching others how to find this inside themselves.

This is what stopped you from ending your life… this creativity and defiance.  It is who you are.  One day you will realize that you won’t have to fight and climb that cliff anymore.  And the question is not whether the angels will accept you… but whether you can accept the angel already inside of you.

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